FEVER DREAMS & SILENT SCREAMS.

EVOLUTIONS GROWING PAINS.

Civility is the art and act of caring for others.

DEBORAH KING

 Why when we have so much, we decry we don’t have enough? When what should be a given has such an excessive cost? When I speak of cost – I mean our Soul, our dignity, and self-respect.

There is so much vitriol in our discourse. When I say a given – I mean our collective Humanity. I really struggle with all this negativity.

If we are ever going to reach our end point of evolution and maturity as a race, we really need to fall back and assess our priorities. If we don’t something as simple as a tweet or an off-handed comment meant to invigorate someone’s political base could end this human experiment.

When we cannot sleep at night and have nightmares and worry about our children’s future and we silently scream into our pillow or into the darkness, it is time to evaluate what it is we want from life. Do we want to be happy or right or safe or content, or grow and heal?

Seriously, it appears greed by the powerful faceless super wealthy, the donor class and shareholders take precedence over the well-being of everyone.

The wrecking ball of destruction meant to dissemble unions, fair trade, equitable pay rates and support for safe and faithful regulations have been accepted behavior by our so-called leaders.

The Animus toward the populace and the citizenry can not continue. The center will not hold. It is spinning out of control and wobbling in fits of centrifugal chaos for the last forty years, but we have been so concerned with the what have you done for me lately mentality that we slipped into a coma of our own making.

Wake up! Stand Up! Rise Up and Shine your true light of love and compassion. Put aside your petty grievances to banish the shadow within to banish and vanquish the shadow projected into our non-civil discourse, meet in the middle and join hands, and hearts and souls and let us move forward into and onto better days and better relationships with ourselves and each other

ONWARD, INWARDS, UPWARDS

Do you feel like a nobody?

BE SOMEBODY

“One of the greatest diseases is to be nobody to anybody.”

Mother Teresa

Do you feel like a nobody? Like not one-person cares if you live or die? Or, listens to you? Why is that? Do you love and value yourself?

The way we care for ourselves and treat ourselves sets the example how other people communicate and interact with us. I saw a pregnant woman smoking the other day; I was aghast that she was not only harming herself and her lungs but also the child she was carrying. No, judgment – just concern.

Our interior landscape has a way of being expressed to the outside environment. What we think is expressed in words and actions and what we feel at times can be conveyed by the look on our face. Remember our eyes are our windows to our soul and at times the mirror to others’. Our behavior will always give us away. It will tell the world – “I feel like crap today and I can’t stand myself please treat me accordingly.”

If you constantly demean yourself using self-deprecating humor, at some point I am going to start thinking you are just putting yourself down. Then my personal reaction would be to look for the good in you and try to reassure you that you have valuable attributes. But, others may not be so kind. They may just add fuel to the fire and make the situation worse. Then you will be a nobody to everyone, even to those who gave you life, call you friend and sibling.

If you smoke when you are pregnant or binge drink every day and have a terrible diet you may not be aware that your values and how you feel about yourself are on display to the world. But, more importantly, you are showing no concern for your sovereignty of Self.

If we do not love our self, we have a problem. If we do not care for our self, we will make the problem worse. If we do not value our self, it is because we do not understand our self. If that is the case, then we must go back to knowing our self to be able to accept our self so that we may love our self.

Before we can move onto healing our self and then onto sharing our self, WE must truly and unequivocally love our self.

So, Know, Accept, Love, Heal, and then Share thyself whilst being mindful and meditating on areas of concern while we forgive and offer gratitude for our blessings and struggles in kind.

Onwards, Inwards, Upwards.

THE MAJESTIC FIVEFOLD WAY

“There are only two mistakes one can make along the Road to Truth- Not going all the way, and not Starting” BUDDHA

There are five conducts, behaviors, or practices that we can introduce into our lives’ if we haven’t already: Know thyself, except thyself, love thyself, heal thyself, and to Share thyself. It is a process of Self-Actualization that I undertook that helped end my struggle with Depression, Anxiety, and self-loathing. It helped me to turn my life around and made me a productive person and helped me with my interactions with the world at large, and to heal and sustain the world within.

In addition to these five conducts I have also integrated the practice of morning gratitude expressions and evening forgiveness offerings (usually to myself) but with these five and two, there is also mindfulness and daily meditation which has been very helpful in my healing and well as my personal development and personal growth.

In the posts that follow I hope to distill and explain the Alchemy of my Transformation from depressed and lost soul to Enlivened Enlightened Spirit. It will not be easy, the work that lies ahead, but it will be worth it in the end.

JEFF TURNBULL

OUR SHADOW SELF HINDERS OUR HIGHER PURPOSE.

Our shadow stands in our way and will stop us from communicating effectively and when we see an unattractive quality we don’t like in someone else that we ourselves possess we will be offended and will project our darkness and distorted behavior unto them.

The more work we do on ourselves to reclaim what was left behind in the shadows and bring light to those deep recesses of our past pain, shame and hurt the lighter and less restrained we will be.

Shining a spotlight of truth, love, and compassion into the corners of our being will help to illuminate these fears, fractures and fragmented parts of yourself so that we can integrate these powerful energies into their counterbalanced positives to help us become the person we are destined to come.

We cannot heal apart from ourselves that we don’t know is ill. I am not advocating countless retellings of past events, but to be able to look at these apertures into our souls, these wounds, and reclaim the wholeness that was lost in those moments and to replace them with what is not there with acceptive forgiveness and understanding.

This shadow work is about going deep into ourselves and vanquishing our darkest aspects and mining the depths of our hidden and forgotten treasure. It is not for the weak of heart. That is why we need to be warriors and set our fear aside and be ever vigilant and conscious of what we may discover, uncover or realize as it comes to the surface and into the bright light of awareness.

 

Freedom or darkness, choose!

“Courage is the capacity to meet the Anxiety which arises as one achieves Freedom.” Rollo May

BY: JEFF TURNBULL

 We have a choice in how our world evolves. We can get involved or sit on the sidelines. Most people sit on the sidelines in their own little bubble bedecked with their proclivities and desires and if they can do what they want when they want to, you usually do not hear from them. Try and take something away and there will be hell to pay.

Now, the people to exhort some courage when they are not sure, but they know something must be done realize before they can affect any change or make any difference they must first change what they can – so they change their selves.

The only way to conquer or diminish the darkness of other people or the world is the conquer the darkness within and champion the light and the virtue within. Follow that Golden Impulse that seeks to find its higher self and to live a good life always taken humanity and the common good into their awareness of what and what not to do, think, feel or behave.

We all know right from wrong. Its what is deemed acceptable that is troubling. If belittling other people becomes accepted especially by the most powerful then we can see the trend line descend to make it acceptable for everyone. And all the work our parents did to teach us manners and to be polite goes right out the window.

We have a choice. We can find our moral center our core of truth and compassion and not allow the new normal to take hold and let this behavior continue.

The only power or control we have is what we think, feel, or behave. Me I chose freedom from the darkness. So, the work continues. I look for insight within so that I may share my light, love, empathy, and compassion for myself and the world.

 

 

A MOMENT IN TIME, AGAIN.

 

SHIELD

There is nothing as auspicious as feeling the power of a moment. Being fully present and immersing yourself in the wonderment and the magic when time all but stops and reflecting all that is bestowed upon you. It like the download finishes and the software opens all these exciting new possibilities are at your beckon call.

Imagine being totally and unequivocally in that state perpetually without end? I can. That is what I have spent most of my adult life trying to attain. Even when I was buried beneath the suffocating cloak of invisibility and depression, I still worked at achieving a better place, state of mind, lightness of spirit and depth of soul.

When the mania kicked in I grabbed it with white knuckled enthusiasm and pulled myself up to states of unbridled experiences of ecstasy. Or, was that neuro-chemical imbalance at work and play? I don’t know, but I do know that I experienced everyone moment. From the mundane to untamed sublime and beyond time was the bane of my existence, my guard and my guardian.

I felt like I did not have much time. With my specific diagnosis, I had a one in five chance of survival. I felt that I had a limited time on this plane of existence, as we all do, and I felt as if I was squandering it. I felt that I had a special purpose and that I was meant to make a difference, and so I felt like I was wasting days and burning daylight. I needed to get to work and quick.

There was a stretch there where I did not sleep at all for five days. I was writing with a fiery passion writing my magnum opus that would put mankind back on the sacred path to redemption and liberation.

I was swept up in a moment in time, again and again and again. I felt that I had the gift of insight and that I had the means to cure humanity of its ills and that I could make a difference. I had to or die trying. I have always had this gift or burden, call it what you will, that I must save the world. It is not a messiah complex. I want to do it without fanfare of recognition. I am in the moment right now. There is a slight hum, no thoughts, no concerns, no worries only the unending question in my heart and my head – How do I do it? I know why. Love. But the What and the How elude me.

What good is it being and experiencing a moment of time, again; if I cannot figure out my place and purpose in the Universe? I surmise living a virtuous life is its own reward but I need to make a difference. I was a healer and environmentalist trying to help the body and our home heal and foster good health and healing practices. But, at the end of the day one must pay the bills. So, what is a visionary who has trouble seeing a way forward, the mission and the message to do?

Well, I will continue to appreciate everything life must offer as I remain in the ever present now as I strive earnestly without hindrance until the dawn thru the darkest times never wavering in my quest to save Humanity from its collective Self.

JEFF TURNBULL

THE MISSION – WELLBEING

ONWARDS, INWARDS, UPWARDS.

BY: JEFF TURNBULL

wb

My Soul’s purpose is to help Neurodivergent people like me or people who may with no good luck of their own develop a brain disorder, or suffer such a terrible life event that they enter our realm and may need guidance.

Me? I was broken. I was damaged. But, it did not happen all at once. It started with a crack. To this day, I still do not know the origin of the fracture, the fault line that slowly tore me apart and left me in pieces.

I spent a lifetime trying to figure out when, how, what, where, and who? But, perhaps it was just simple chemistry. No more. It does not matter. I assembled the disparate parts and reunited them and that piece, that missing piece, the piece I keep going into the dark to find, where that missing piece, where it used to be is where the light gets in.

The light illuminated me within and then throughout and purged and cleansed and purified and lifted me up and onto a higher plane of awareness and experience. What makes music beautiful is not so much the notes as the spaces, the rests and pauses which allows us to enjoy the stillness and the emptiness so that the sound, the light may enter and occupy and enshroud the fullness of and the magnification of the All, the Divine and Universal Mind of Being.

I am grateful that I have survived, that I may help others. Because I have contemplated ending my life every day for more years than I can remember. But, now I embrace each moment. I wake each morning energized and encouraged that come what may I can handle anything, and find the positive in the negativity of a situation. See the love amongst the fearful moments and the ray of light through the darkness. I am duty-bound to take what I have learned and to help others find their way out of the shadows of oblivion and step into the light and to find their gifts, treasures, and strengths free of ego so that they may live a meaningful and purposeful life.

There can be no shadows without light and no strength without struggle and change without challenge. I believe that happiness and good can be found in the purity of love while we seek our truth. Evil is found in willful ignorance and turning a blind eye to, the absence of, and a distortion of the truth. It is for all of us to find our way through the thicket of lies, fear, hatred that is Hell, so that we may value love, light, and the truth as we deliver ourselves from the bondage of the ego.

Without the trial and tribulations that we enter along the dark highway of awakening we would never know that we are beings of light and the pilgrims of Eternity.