FEVER DREAMS & SILENT SCREAMS.

EVOLUTIONS GROWING PAINS.

Civility is the art and act of caring for others.

DEBORAH KING

 Why when we have so much, we decry we don’t have enough? When what should be a given has such an excessive cost? When I speak of cost – I mean our Soul, our dignity, and self-respect.

There is so much vitriol in our discourse. When I say a given – I mean our collective Humanity. I really struggle with all this negativity.

If we are ever going to reach our end point of evolution and maturity as a race, we really need to fall back and assess our priorities. If we don’t something as simple as a tweet or an off-handed comment meant to invigorate someone’s political base could end this human experiment.

When we cannot sleep at night and have nightmares and worry about our children’s future and we silently scream into our pillow or into the darkness, it is time to evaluate what it is we want from life. Do we want to be happy or right or safe or content, or grow and heal?

Seriously, it appears greed by the powerful faceless super wealthy, the donor class and shareholders take precedence over the well-being of everyone.

The wrecking ball of destruction meant to dissemble unions, fair trade, equitable pay rates and support for safe and faithful regulations have been accepted behavior by our so-called leaders.

The Animus toward the populace and the citizenry can not continue. The center will not hold. It is spinning out of control and wobbling in fits of centrifugal chaos for the last forty years, but we have been so concerned with the what have you done for me lately mentality that we slipped into a coma of our own making.

Wake up! Stand Up! Rise Up and Shine your true light of love and compassion. Put aside your petty grievances to banish the shadow within to banish and vanquish the shadow projected into our non-civil discourse, meet in the middle and join hands, and hearts and souls and let us move forward into and onto better days and better relationships with ourselves and each other

ONWARD, INWARDS, UPWARDS

THE MAJESTIC FIVEFOLD WAY

“There are only two mistakes one can make along the Road to Truth- Not going all the way, and not Starting” BUDDHA

There are five conducts, behaviors, or practices that we can introduce into our lives’ if we haven’t already: Know thyself, except thyself, love thyself, heal thyself, and to Share thyself. It is a process of Self-Actualization that I undertook that helped end my struggle with Depression, Anxiety, and self-loathing. It helped me to turn my life around and made me a productive person and helped me with my interactions with the world at large, and to heal and sustain the world within.

In addition to these five conducts I have also integrated the practice of morning gratitude expressions and evening forgiveness offerings (usually to myself) but with these five and two, there is also mindfulness and daily meditation which has been very helpful in my healing and well as my personal development and personal growth.

In the posts that follow I hope to distill and explain the Alchemy of my Transformation from depressed and lost soul to Enlivened Enlightened Spirit. It will not be easy, the work that lies ahead, but it will be worth it in the end.

JEFF TURNBULL

OUR SHADOW SELF HINDERS OUR HIGHER PURPOSE.

Our shadow stands in our way and will stop us from communicating effectively and when we see an unattractive quality we don’t like in someone else that we ourselves possess we will be offended and will project our darkness and distorted behavior unto them.

The more work we do on ourselves to reclaim what was left behind in the shadows and bring light to those deep recesses of our past pain, shame and hurt the lighter and less restrained we will be.

Shining a spotlight of truth, love, and compassion into the corners of our being will help to illuminate these fears, fractures and fragmented parts of yourself so that we can integrate these powerful energies into their counterbalanced positives to help us become the person we are destined to come.

We cannot heal apart from ourselves that we don’t know is ill. I am not advocating countless retellings of past events, but to be able to look at these apertures into our souls, these wounds, and reclaim the wholeness that was lost in those moments and to replace them with what is not there with acceptive forgiveness and understanding.

This shadow work is about going deep into ourselves and vanquishing our darkest aspects and mining the depths of our hidden and forgotten treasure. It is not for the weak of heart. That is why we need to be warriors and set our fear aside and be ever vigilant and conscious of what we may discover, uncover or realize as it comes to the surface and into the bright light of awareness.

 

WE HAVE A SHADOW SELF.

Unbeknownst to some of us, there is an another that lurks within. We joke about evil twins, you may be familiar with Dr. Jekyll’s Mr. Hyde, or with a multi-personality disorder, but within there is darkness.

We hide things we don’t want others to see. We are ashamed of something or were criticized about something we banish it, lock it away. Sometimes these things fade into the deep recesses of our being, others lie just beneath the surface and don’t pass up a chance to remind us that we have banished them from the bright light of being.

Sometimes our greatest gifts and passions are discouraged and for whatever reason, we comply with others views and opinions and we enter into an unconscious agreement and we let our dreams die, and aspirations wither on the vine. In the desire to be accepted we fall in line and become part of the herd as we conceal who and what we really are.

This shadow self-comes out to express itself and play when we are stressed. Besides suppressed hopes and desires there are elements of our worst self, the darkness within, our ugly, selfish, demanding inner five-year-old; our ego writ large.

When we fear, when we doubt, when we feel that our world or beliefs are being questioned or judged our shadow is roused. When we stumble and take things personally our shadow moves to the fore and sometimes takes the floor and shows itself.

It’s like evil genii that escape from the bottle but instead of wishes, you are usually left with regrets. Even when we are at our best, if we are tired, or hungry, or suffering from a lack of sleep, this troublesome specter can slip away and get the best of us.

So, we must realize and acknowledge that it is there and that it can be a potent force; and if we are not mindful of our thinking, feeling, and our willingness to do the work at bringing our dark aspects into the light we could do something in the moment that could change our lives and alter our path and disrupt our progress. We could get fired, lose a friend, a loved one or worse.

I have personally let my shadow appear to someone I care a great deal about and say something I should not have said, something I felt, something I desired but was not appropriate then that disrupted the environment that we were in. I wanted to be more than I could under the circumstances and I fell into an old pattern. It was selfish and self-serving, and I was grandiose, and I almost lost more than I could afford to lose. Love is a powerful force but unchecked can exemplify the shadow self as well.

JEFF TURNBULL

THE MISSION – WELLBEING

ONWARDS, INWARDS, UPWARDS.

BY: JEFF TURNBULL

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My Soul’s purpose is to help Neurodivergent people like me or people who may with no good luck of their own develop a brain disorder, or suffer such a terrible life event that they enter our realm and may need guidance.

Me? I was broken. I was damaged. But, it did not happen all at once. It started with a crack. To this day, I still do not know the origin of the fracture, the fault line that slowly tore me apart and left me in pieces.

I spent a lifetime trying to figure out when, how, what, where, and who? But, perhaps it was just simple chemistry. No more. It does not matter. I assembled the disparate parts and reunited them and that piece, that missing piece, the piece I keep going into the dark to find, where that missing piece, where it used to be is where the light gets in.

The light illuminated me within and then throughout and purged and cleansed and purified and lifted me up and onto a higher plane of awareness and experience. What makes music beautiful is not so much the notes as the spaces, the rests and pauses which allows us to enjoy the stillness and the emptiness so that the sound, the light may enter and occupy and enshroud the fullness of and the magnification of the All, the Divine and Universal Mind of Being.

I am grateful that I have survived, that I may help others. Because I have contemplated ending my life every day for more years than I can remember. But, now I embrace each moment. I wake each morning energized and encouraged that come what may I can handle anything, and find the positive in the negativity of a situation. See the love amongst the fearful moments and the ray of light through the darkness. I am duty-bound to take what I have learned and to help others find their way out of the shadows of oblivion and step into the light and to find their gifts, treasures, and strengths free of ego so that they may live a meaningful and purposeful life.

There can be no shadows without light and no strength without struggle and change without challenge. I believe that happiness and good can be found in the purity of love while we seek our truth. Evil is found in willful ignorance and turning a blind eye to, the absence of, and a distortion of the truth. It is for all of us to find our way through the thicket of lies, fear, hatred that is Hell, so that we may value love, light, and the truth as we deliver ourselves from the bondage of the ego.

Without the trial and tribulations that we enter along the dark highway of awakening we would never know that we are beings of light and the pilgrims of Eternity.

 

KNOW THYSELF – DO YOU?

shadow warrior pic

The first tenet in my – Majestic Fivefold Way, is Know Thyself. Because if you don’t.. how will the rest of us.

BY JEFF TURNBULL

I have discovered on my quest to wellness, the underlying principle that finally, I delivered me here, is knowing who I am. Self-examination is very important. On an intelligential, emotional and physical level, we must be able to recognize where we are and where we need to be.

If we want to be healthier we must know our behavior when it comes to what we eat, how we eat, and our level of activity. If we know that we stress eat and load up on carbs then we must be aware of this fact. If when we are stressed we tend to not eat, we must be aware of this fact. Everyone is different, so we need to know ourselves and our tendencies.

This even more important moreover if we have a health challenge like diabetes or IBS. If we have a mental disorder it is important to eat well, perhaps omit caffeine from our diet, and be mindful if we vomit or have diarrhea. Because if we lose bodily fluids we lose medication and our therapeutic levels will drop. We need to stay at these levels if we are to stabilize and get better.

It goes without saying, but I will state my case anyhow, that a positive state of mind will get us a long way in this world. So, if you know your mind you will be able to know when you shadow thinking intervenes and pushes you or drags you down. Be the watcher of your thoughts. Practice mindfulness to be aware of your train of thought so that you do not go off the rails. For example – I know that one of my shadow enemies is to complain. So, when I hear my tone of voice change or I get animated – I check myself before I wreck myself.

The same goes for your emotional state. If you have triggers that you can recognize that incense or irritate you be aware of these before you get swept away. It is so easy to lose oneself in a trying moment. If you do, stop yourself and then analyze what got you there. Was it a reminder of an experience you had that left an indelible mark on your psyche? If so, take the opportunity to work with it. If not in the moment when you get a chance. It will give you a chance to cleanse yourself of some of your emotional baggage. When I recommend these practices – that is what they are practices. That means it takes work and vigilance.

More than anything when you begin to be aware and mindful and you find things that you don’t like or you find disturbing remember to forgive yourself. This is very important in the process. I have recently started journaling forgiveness then end it with a little touch of gratitude.

I recently had an epiphany – it was that I am not a businessman, entrepreneur, or life coach or expert of any kind. I am a writer, poet, artist, singer-songwriter, single parent, good son (I like to think so) I humanitarian, good friend and colleague.  And you know what? I am ok with that!

Be Mindful of Your Thoughts.

BY: JEFF TURNBULL

2014-06-20 20.39.26

There are four thoughtful practices we can apply to our thinking to help us to be more mindful and present.  They can be applied to what we think about the external world, the world at large; our interior Heart Mind world, and how we think and feel about ourselves.

  1. Stop thinking habitual negative thoughts: i.e. “I am never going to get anywhere in life”. This stinking thinking does not help.  Most of our internal dialogue – “The Critique” is negative.  Be Mindful of the habit of always seeing the proverbial glass as half empty.  Be grateful that you have a glass at all.  When you are able to monitor your thoughts and catch a negative thought arise, compassionately hit the pause button, and try to see the inverse or opposite, turn it around or upside down.  Instead of thinking that you are not “… going to get anywhere in life”.  Think or say to yourself instead – “You know, I do not need to go anywhere, because I am fine with the right here, the right now.  And, with every infinite moment, there is an opportunity to experience the best that I Am.  I have the seed of perfection incarnate”.

Attitude is a matter of Altitude.  If we can see the truth in the moment from the best possible vantage point, we can correct our coordinates to be right where we are, and be Aware and be Present.

Showing up and bringing our best self, is just a matter of Being without doing.  Be Mindful of your Thoughts and See the beauty of the World bloom.

 

  1. Stop thinking or creating new negative thoughts. “What Ifs” will only lead to catastrophe thinking, and who needs that?  We have enough to occupy our thoughts and feelings.  Awareness is what is needed.  When we begin to assemble worst case scenarios we need to hit the pause button and not be pulled into a drama that is fictitious and unsupported by facts.  If we are mindful of our inner mindscape that which is under control – our feelings and thoughts, there is no reason to wonder – “What If”.  The sky is not falling – we are rising, spread our wings and our Heart-Mind to rise and embrace any difficulties.

Create your world by imagining a world where love and compassion is the norm.  See the best in others and the opportunities in the challenges that life presents.

Reach for the sky and live amongst the clouds while your feet are firmly planted on the ground.  The Stoics have an exercise of Negative Visualization, which is imaging the worst, so if the occasion ever arises they know what it looks like, and are better to deal and control what they can control.

I say if a new negative thought comes to mind, let it pass through the gates of impermanence and say to yourself – “I shall not be moved from this beautiful by phantoms or ghosts.  I am the seed of perfection and I am in the fertile soil of all that is.”

  1. Continue to think those positive thoughts- “Today is a Great Day.”, “I got this!”, “That wasn’t as hard as I thought.” Since most of our self-talk is negative, we need to intervene in and for our own self-interest and behalf. If we thought about it, we could see a lot of our thoughts are positive; especially where there are meaning and purpose in our lives’. We love our children, our family, and friends and we want and think positive thoughts of and for them all the time.  What we need to do is broaden that out to include everything and everybody.  No, small task right?  If we bring awareness to our thoughts, and if we can catch ourselves as we think positive thoughts and try to bring that positive energy to a previous negative thought and try to recalibrate how we thought about that negative situation and see it in a new light, with a new feeling.  Take that positive “I got this!” to the negative “I will never get this right.” Try to sow the seed of possibility in the difficulty and realize that you do not have to believe everything you think, especially and foremost the negative.

Water the good seeds and good will grow.  Pull the weeds and plant the new more fruitful thoughts, and be mindful of your thoughts.

We must be aware and be mindful our thoughts, if not us then who?  I am by nature an optimist, but I get frustrated with what I Belief to be the Sure thing, the Given, but guess what, life does work that way.  There will always be curveballs and unforeseen circumstances, get over it.

Today a lost my mind laughing thinking of something that frustrated me yesterday.  I saw it for what it was – Life.  If we can bring that kind of awareness, and mindfulness to every moment we would be a lot better off.  It just takes being present.

 

  1. Create New Positive thoughts! Try to see things in a different light and from a new perspective.  It is easier to create new and exciting thoughts when we can value what and where we are.  But, before we do that we have to understand what and where we are before we can appreciate it, value it, how else can we really unless we can see what it looks like.  Creations of any kind require vision.  If you are able to create a holographic 360-degree image in your mind’s eye all the better, but if not try to feel what an amazing experience like being in the room when your child is born, or climbing Everest, or any other wonderful accomplishment feels like.  Fore, it is not just knowing, or seeing, that matters, but the feeling component.  To get to the point where we can create a new positive thought need not be a challenge, but may require the practice of not practicing, non-doing.  Opening your mind, your heart, and allow yourself to be vulnerable and to reach within whilst we reach towards others and the moon and the stars and feel the wonder that being alive, and just being can afford.

We can create a new positive thought by just gazing into a breathtaking sunset and then remembering to breathe and envision that we are that sunset we may think – “I am colorful and translucent, and span the horizon of all that is.  I am an inspiring vista and an expression of the beauty of nature and all her glory.  I am all this and so much more.”

If we could create a new positive thought every day, we all would be able to extinguish the black thoughts of negative thinking, enliven hearts, minds, spirits and create a new way of being.  We would foster in each of us the best, and the brightest that Humanity has to offer – Love, Compassion, and Caring.