Do you feel like a nobody?

BE SOMEBODY

“One of the greatest diseases is to be nobody to anybody.”

Mother Teresa

Do you feel like a nobody? Like not one-person cares if you live or die? Or, listens to you? Why is that? Do you love and value yourself?

The way we care for ourselves and treat ourselves sets the example how other people communicate and interact with us. I saw a pregnant woman smoking the other day; I was aghast that she was not only harming herself and her lungs but also the child she was carrying. No, judgment – just concern.

Our interior landscape has a way of being expressed to the outside environment. What we think is expressed in words and actions and what we feel at times can be conveyed by the look on our face. Remember our eyes are our windows to our soul and at times the mirror to others’. Our behavior will always give us away. It will tell the world – “I feel like crap today and I can’t stand myself please treat me accordingly.”

If you constantly demean yourself using self-deprecating humor, at some point I am going to start thinking you are just putting yourself down. Then my personal reaction would be to look for the good in you and try to reassure you that you have valuable attributes. But, others may not be so kind. They may just add fuel to the fire and make the situation worse. Then you will be a nobody to everyone, even to those who gave you life, call you friend and sibling.

If you smoke when you are pregnant or binge drink every day and have a terrible diet you may not be aware that your values and how you feel about yourself are on display to the world. But, more importantly, you are showing no concern for your sovereignty of Self.

If we do not love our self, we have a problem. If we do not care for our self, we will make the problem worse. If we do not value our self, it is because we do not understand our self. If that is the case, then we must go back to knowing our self to be able to accept our self so that we may love our self.

Before we can move onto healing our self and then onto sharing our self, WE must truly and unequivocally love our self.

So, Know, Accept, Love, Heal, and then Share thyself whilst being mindful and meditating on areas of concern while we forgive and offer gratitude for our blessings and struggles in kind.

Onwards, Inwards, Upwards.

A MOMENT IN TIME, AGAIN.

 

SHIELD

There is nothing as auspicious as feeling the power of a moment. Being fully present and immersing yourself in the wonderment and the magic when time all but stops and reflecting all that is bestowed upon you. It like the download finishes and the software opens all these exciting new possibilities are at your beckon call.

Imagine being totally and unequivocally in that state perpetually without end? I can. That is what I have spent most of my adult life trying to attain. Even when I was buried beneath the suffocating cloak of invisibility and depression, I still worked at achieving a better place, state of mind, lightness of spirit and depth of soul.

When the mania kicked in I grabbed it with white knuckled enthusiasm and pulled myself up to states of unbridled experiences of ecstasy. Or, was that neuro-chemical imbalance at work and play? I don’t know, but I do know that I experienced everyone moment. From the mundane to untamed sublime and beyond time was the bane of my existence, my guard and my guardian.

I felt like I did not have much time. With my specific diagnosis, I had a one in five chance of survival. I felt that I had a limited time on this plane of existence, as we all do, and I felt as if I was squandering it. I felt that I had a special purpose and that I was meant to make a difference, and so I felt like I was wasting days and burning daylight. I needed to get to work and quick.

There was a stretch there where I did not sleep at all for five days. I was writing with a fiery passion writing my magnum opus that would put mankind back on the sacred path to redemption and liberation.

I was swept up in a moment in time, again and again and again. I felt that I had the gift of insight and that I had the means to cure humanity of its ills and that I could make a difference. I had to or die trying. I have always had this gift or burden, call it what you will, that I must save the world. It is not a messiah complex. I want to do it without fanfare of recognition. I am in the moment right now. There is a slight hum, no thoughts, no concerns, no worries only the unending question in my heart and my head – How do I do it? I know why. Love. But the What and the How elude me.

What good is it being and experiencing a moment of time, again; if I cannot figure out my place and purpose in the Universe? I surmise living a virtuous life is its own reward but I need to make a difference. I was a healer and environmentalist trying to help the body and our home heal and foster good health and healing practices. But, at the end of the day one must pay the bills. So, what is a visionary who has trouble seeing a way forward, the mission and the message to do?

Well, I will continue to appreciate everything life must offer as I remain in the ever present now as I strive earnestly without hindrance until the dawn thru the darkest times never wavering in my quest to save Humanity from its collective Self.

JEFF TURNBULL

THE MISSION – WELLBEING

ONWARDS, INWARDS, UPWARDS.

BY: JEFF TURNBULL

wb

My Soul’s purpose is to help Neurodivergent people like me or people who may with no good luck of their own develop a brain disorder, or suffer such a terrible life event that they enter our realm and may need guidance.

Me? I was broken. I was damaged. But, it did not happen all at once. It started with a crack. To this day, I still do not know the origin of the fracture, the fault line that slowly tore me apart and left me in pieces.

I spent a lifetime trying to figure out when, how, what, where, and who? But, perhaps it was just simple chemistry. No more. It does not matter. I assembled the disparate parts and reunited them and that piece, that missing piece, the piece I keep going into the dark to find, where that missing piece, where it used to be is where the light gets in.

The light illuminated me within and then throughout and purged and cleansed and purified and lifted me up and onto a higher plane of awareness and experience. What makes music beautiful is not so much the notes as the spaces, the rests and pauses which allows us to enjoy the stillness and the emptiness so that the sound, the light may enter and occupy and enshroud the fullness of and the magnification of the All, the Divine and Universal Mind of Being.

I am grateful that I have survived, that I may help others. Because I have contemplated ending my life every day for more years than I can remember. But, now I embrace each moment. I wake each morning energized and encouraged that come what may I can handle anything, and find the positive in the negativity of a situation. See the love amongst the fearful moments and the ray of light through the darkness. I am duty-bound to take what I have learned and to help others find their way out of the shadows of oblivion and step into the light and to find their gifts, treasures, and strengths free of ego so that they may live a meaningful and purposeful life.

There can be no shadows without light and no strength without struggle and change without challenge. I believe that happiness and good can be found in the purity of love while we seek our truth. Evil is found in willful ignorance and turning a blind eye to, the absence of, and a distortion of the truth. It is for all of us to find our way through the thicket of lies, fear, hatred that is Hell, so that we may value love, light, and the truth as we deliver ourselves from the bondage of the ego.

Without the trial and tribulations that we enter along the dark highway of awakening we would never know that we are beings of light and the pilgrims of Eternity.

 

DO YOU EVER WONDER?

NO? WHY NOT?

BY: JEFF TURNBULL

2011-12-22 12.19.52

Do you ever sit and watch the sunset and let your mind wander and wonder what it would be like to…?

Have we lost our curiosity and imagination? Have the demands of our everyday lives captured all our attention and intentions? Has it sapped all our energy to fanaticize and play and experiment and to allow ourselves to be drawn to something new or novel?

I know that focus on what needs to be done can become myopic and consume a lot if not most of our time, energy, and sometimes resources. It almost feeds on us instead of giving us the satisfaction of taking care of our responsibilities.

I get it. I get sucked into black holes of attention and down rabbit holes of intention and I must remind myself to literally pull over and smell the roses.

We are always on the run taking care of business; be it work or personal activities like running the kids to soccer practice or shopping for groceries after a long day at the office. Life can deplete our reserves of getting up and go.

But we must Wonder and nurture that childlike sense of awe at things that catch our eye, call to us and speak to our hearts. We must be willing to let our hair down, be vulnerable and be open to the possibility to learn new things and try something we have always thought about but were always too busy to do, or we thought too much or talked ourselves out of it.

Do not let another day go by without opening to the miraculous events that unfold before you. Ask a question. Show an interest. Express your curiosity. Take a step toward that which shimmers and see if there is magic in the new. You never know it could change your life.

ANXIETY – THE SOUL KILLER.

Freedom of responsibility is the key, not Freedom from…

JEFF TURNBULL

ANXIETY DIAGRAM

Anxiety is the space or state between freedom and responsibility. If we run from our responsibilities we are not free, we are doomed. For sure our conscience and quilt will catch up to us and pull and drag us down.

So, we must be who we are and do what we must yet manage the difficulty. That feeling that causes us stress and puts us on high alert, causing us to focus on what we cannot change in that moment. What we can change is how we think and feel about that responsibility that is coming up, on the horizon, that looms over us and dooms us to worry and sleepless nights.

When we have the freedom to choose, what we do and how we act the choice is always ours. We can let it affect our health, our behavior, our attention, and intention or we can put things in their proper perspective and reframe our way of thinking and do what we can with what we have at the moment to do our best.

When we are thinking about the future in a worrisome negative light, we end up retroactively start to regret the past. Think about it? Don’t we get sucked into the future scenarios that haven’t even happened yet and then start to turn them around and then regret something we did, say, or think that led us to the situation that we are contemplating.

When we think about the future we end us regretting the past. Usually, I believe this is the case. Personally, when I consider something troublesome that I must do, I most often think – How did I let this happen. Take credit debt for instance. If the habit of overspending money that is not yours and that you must pay back at a high rate of interest is an issue that you have to take responsibility for, you regret your overspending and a bad habit of being a shop acholic.

If we can merge our inherent freedom with our responsibility, then that space or state of the anguish of future events disappear. Sounds impossible. How can I do that? One may ask? Well, if we are forever in the moment and practice good habits and are mindful of who we are, and our environment and our behavior, we can be and take responsibility for all things in the moment and achieve equanimity. Which is dealing with all things in a calm and balanced way.

It’s possible but we must do the work. Take responsibility for all aspects of our life, show up, and do the work necessary to achieve peace and tranquility and live a virtue-driven life in this loud and at times chaotic world.

 

KNOW THYSELF – DO YOU?

shadow warrior pic

The first tenet in my – Majestic Fivefold Way, is Know Thyself. Because if you don’t.. how will the rest of us.

BY JEFF TURNBULL

I have discovered on my quest to wellness, the underlying principle that finally, I delivered me here, is knowing who I am. Self-examination is very important. On an intelligential, emotional and physical level, we must be able to recognize where we are and where we need to be.

If we want to be healthier we must know our behavior when it comes to what we eat, how we eat, and our level of activity. If we know that we stress eat and load up on carbs then we must be aware of this fact. If when we are stressed we tend to not eat, we must be aware of this fact. Everyone is different, so we need to know ourselves and our tendencies.

This even more important moreover if we have a health challenge like diabetes or IBS. If we have a mental disorder it is important to eat well, perhaps omit caffeine from our diet, and be mindful if we vomit or have diarrhea. Because if we lose bodily fluids we lose medication and our therapeutic levels will drop. We need to stay at these levels if we are to stabilize and get better.

It goes without saying, but I will state my case anyhow, that a positive state of mind will get us a long way in this world. So, if you know your mind you will be able to know when you shadow thinking intervenes and pushes you or drags you down. Be the watcher of your thoughts. Practice mindfulness to be aware of your train of thought so that you do not go off the rails. For example – I know that one of my shadow enemies is to complain. So, when I hear my tone of voice change or I get animated – I check myself before I wreck myself.

The same goes for your emotional state. If you have triggers that you can recognize that incense or irritate you be aware of these before you get swept away. It is so easy to lose oneself in a trying moment. If you do, stop yourself and then analyze what got you there. Was it a reminder of an experience you had that left an indelible mark on your psyche? If so, take the opportunity to work with it. If not in the moment when you get a chance. It will give you a chance to cleanse yourself of some of your emotional baggage. When I recommend these practices – that is what they are practices. That means it takes work and vigilance.

More than anything when you begin to be aware and mindful and you find things that you don’t like or you find disturbing remember to forgive yourself. This is very important in the process. I have recently started journaling forgiveness then end it with a little touch of gratitude.

I recently had an epiphany – it was that I am not a businessman, entrepreneur, or life coach or expert of any kind. I am a writer, poet, artist, singer-songwriter, single parent, good son (I like to think so) I humanitarian, good friend and colleague.  And you know what? I am ok with that!

THE WAY OF THE SHADOW WARRIOR.

 

 

I AM – A SHADOW WARRIOR

I have always considered myself lucky. I say that I have lived a charmed life for a reason. That is why I feel I must share my story. To live the ancient Greek maxim-“Know Thyself” is not as easy as it sounds. In addition, if one is not careful it can become an obsession and lead to a narcissistic black hole.

As a child, I was oblivious of the difficult years to come. However, I had my struggles. Looking back when I asked my father if I could talk to someone about what and how I was feeling and I was told that I had him and my mother to talk too, I see an opportunity early on where my life may have had a different trajectory. I say this to all parents who have little children who ask big questions to be mindful of their soul’s longing for answers to uncertainty and ambiguity.

It was not until I became a teenager and shared my heart with another that what would later be my lifelong nemesis began to present itself. When the seasons changed, I would find myself weeping uncontrollably. We would sit in my car and I would sob inconsolably for no apparent reason.

A few years later, I would be running amok with reckless abandon a risk to others and myself. I was dangerous to know and especially to love. My parents threw me out of the house and I ended up crashing at friends’ houses and woke up wherever I passed out. I partied hard, could not keep a job. I was lost, angry at the world and more importantly alone. My friends did not think I would make it past the age of twenty-one. I am now fifty-five.

I hope that by sharing my story of how I finally found a way out of the hell where I merely existed, if that, that I might help others. The hell I refer to was one of a chemical imbalance in my brain, learned helplessness, and a slew of bad habits. I am now at peace. I am whole. I am healthy

It is now my mission in life to help others. For those who do not have the skills and the tools or the wherewithal to change their lives’. To transform their lives’ into a life they have only thus far imagined.

It has been a long journey. One in which I would not change a thing. If I did, I would not be who I am today. I do not know what tomorrow holds; however, now I am able to deal with whatever may present itself. Life is an adventure, embrace the struggle, learn from it, and move on to live a whole and healthy life.

JEFF TURNBULL