A MOMENT IN TIME, AGAIN.

 

SHIELD

There is nothing as auspicious as feeling the power of a moment. Being fully present and immersing yourself in the wonderment and the magic when time all but stops and reflecting all that is bestowed upon you. It like the download finishes and the software opens all these exciting new possibilities are at your beckon call.

Imagine being totally and unequivocally in that state perpetually without end? I can. That is what I have spent most of my adult life trying to attain. Even when I was buried beneath the suffocating cloak of invisibility and depression, I still worked at achieving a better place, state of mind, lightness of spirit and depth of soul.

When the mania kicked in I grabbed it with white knuckled enthusiasm and pulled myself up to states of unbridled experiences of ecstasy. Or, was that neuro-chemical imbalance at work and play? I don’t know, but I do know that I experienced everyone moment. From the mundane to untamed sublime and beyond time was the bane of my existence, my guard and my guardian.

I felt like I did not have much time. With my specific diagnosis, I had a one in five chance of survival. I felt that I had a limited time on this plane of existence, as we all do, and I felt as if I was squandering it. I felt that I had a special purpose and that I was meant to make a difference, and so I felt like I was wasting days and burning daylight. I needed to get to work and quick.

There was a stretch there where I did not sleep at all for five days. I was writing with a fiery passion writing my magnum opus that would put mankind back on the sacred path to redemption and liberation.

I was swept up in a moment in time, again and again and again. I felt that I had the gift of insight and that I had the means to cure humanity of its ills and that I could make a difference. I had to or die trying. I have always had this gift or burden, call it what you will, that I must save the world. It is not a messiah complex. I want to do it without fanfare of recognition. I am in the moment right now. There is a slight hum, no thoughts, no concerns, no worries only the unending question in my heart and my head – How do I do it? I know why. Love. But the What and the How elude me.

What good is it being and experiencing a moment of time, again; if I cannot figure out my place and purpose in the Universe? I surmise living a virtuous life is its own reward but I need to make a difference. I was a healer and environmentalist trying to help the body and our home heal and foster good health and healing practices. But, at the end of the day one must pay the bills. So, what is a visionary who has trouble seeing a way forward, the mission and the message to do?

Well, I will continue to appreciate everything life must offer as I remain in the ever present now as I strive earnestly without hindrance until the dawn thru the darkest times never wavering in my quest to save Humanity from its collective Self.

JEFF TURNBULL

DO YOU EVER WONDER?

NO? WHY NOT?

BY: JEFF TURNBULL

2011-12-22 12.19.52

Do you ever sit and watch the sunset and let your mind wander and wonder what it would be like to…?

Have we lost our curiosity and imagination? Have the demands of our everyday lives captured all our attention and intentions? Has it sapped all our energy to fanaticize and play and experiment and to allow ourselves to be drawn to something new or novel?

I know that focus on what needs to be done can become myopic and consume a lot if not most of our time, energy, and sometimes resources. It almost feeds on us instead of giving us the satisfaction of taking care of our responsibilities.

I get it. I get sucked into black holes of attention and down rabbit holes of intention and I must remind myself to literally pull over and smell the roses.

We are always on the run taking care of business; be it work or personal activities like running the kids to soccer practice or shopping for groceries after a long day at the office. Life can deplete our reserves of getting up and go.

But we must Wonder and nurture that childlike sense of awe at things that catch our eye, call to us and speak to our hearts. We must be willing to let our hair down, be vulnerable and be open to the possibility to learn new things and try something we have always thought about but were always too busy to do, or we thought too much or talked ourselves out of it.

Do not let another day go by without opening to the miraculous events that unfold before you. Ask a question. Show an interest. Express your curiosity. Take a step toward that which shimmers and see if there is magic in the new. You never know it could change your life.

MIRROR MIRROR IN MY SOUL.

BY: Jeff s Turnbull

green web

Children are fascinated by mirrors. They can spend hours in front of one staring into their own eyes, dancing, doing panta-mime.

Today as I watched a little girl get lost in the looking glass I was fascinated by the lack of concern for anybody but her reflection. She was captivated and enthralled and was in her own expansive world oblivious to any onlookers including her mother. I wondered to myself what in the world does she see, or moreover, what does she not see.

Since she was very young – perhaps five or six she was free of and not yet conditioned to the lie and the dream of the world we tell ourselves. She was free. Free to gaze lovingly into her visage and love the pure soul before her. I do not believe she was in love with her image but an image; free from the psychic baggage we adults carry around inside of us, on our hearts, on our shoulders and on our backs and on our minds.

She must have seen the untarnished love and light that only a guiltless, sinless, none- fragmented being only a young child can be before they are conditioned to hate, fear, and suspect another could be. Before they are told they are not good enough, smart enough or worthy of love, kindness, and compassion. Or, that they are weird or different so they bury their uniqueness deep in the hollows of their being only to have their gifts, anger, and fears fester in uncertainty, shame and self-loathing.

They see this light and gaze into their purity before they become narcissists and gaze at their image for other reasons. It is not common knowledge or it is just misunderstood that narcissists don’t really fall in love with their selves; they despise themselves yet spend every waking moment fixated on themselves because they despise themselves.

They are a mystery to their selves. They spend an inordinate amount of time trying to figure what went wrong, where they are damaged and why. I know because I was. I learned to love and accept myself for who I am and stopped trying to figure out the past and where I fit in the future. I forgave myself and found that child in the mirror and I now I can see the purity again and know the person before me has done the best he could with what he had, and made the most of a difficult life and has uncovered treasures untold and horrors unthought of, but is excited again about the journey on the pathless road to truth, love, and freedom.