FEVER DREAMS & SILENT SCREAMS.

EVOLUTIONS GROWING PAINS.

Civility is the art and act of caring for others.

DEBORAH KING

 Why when we have so much, we decry we don’t have enough? When what should be a given has such an excessive cost? When I speak of cost – I mean our Soul, our dignity, and self-respect.

There is so much vitriol in our discourse. When I say a given – I mean our collective Humanity. I really struggle with all this negativity.

If we are ever going to reach our end point of evolution and maturity as a race, we really need to fall back and assess our priorities. If we don’t something as simple as a tweet or an off-handed comment meant to invigorate someone’s political base could end this human experiment.

When we cannot sleep at night and have nightmares and worry about our children’s future and we silently scream into our pillow or into the darkness, it is time to evaluate what it is we want from life. Do we want to be happy or right or safe or content, or grow and heal?

Seriously, it appears greed by the powerful faceless super wealthy, the donor class and shareholders take precedence over the well-being of everyone.

The wrecking ball of destruction meant to dissemble unions, fair trade, equitable pay rates and support for safe and faithful regulations have been accepted behavior by our so-called leaders.

The Animus toward the populace and the citizenry can not continue. The center will not hold. It is spinning out of control and wobbling in fits of centrifugal chaos for the last forty years, but we have been so concerned with the what have you done for me lately mentality that we slipped into a coma of our own making.

Wake up! Stand Up! Rise Up and Shine your true light of love and compassion. Put aside your petty grievances to banish the shadow within to banish and vanquish the shadow projected into our non-civil discourse, meet in the middle and join hands, and hearts and souls and let us move forward into and onto better days and better relationships with ourselves and each other

ONWARD, INWARDS, UPWARDS

THE MAJESTIC FIVEFOLD WAY

“There are only two mistakes one can make along the Road to Truth- Not going all the way, and not Starting” BUDDHA

There are five conducts, behaviors, or practices that we can introduce into our lives’ if we haven’t already: Know thyself, except thyself, love thyself, heal thyself, and to Share thyself. It is a process of Self-Actualization that I undertook that helped end my struggle with Depression, Anxiety, and self-loathing. It helped me to turn my life around and made me a productive person and helped me with my interactions with the world at large, and to heal and sustain the world within.

In addition to these five conducts I have also integrated the practice of morning gratitude expressions and evening forgiveness offerings (usually to myself) but with these five and two, there is also mindfulness and daily meditation which has been very helpful in my healing and well as my personal development and personal growth.

In the posts that follow I hope to distill and explain the Alchemy of my Transformation from depressed and lost soul to Enlivened Enlightened Spirit. It will not be easy, the work that lies ahead, but it will be worth it in the end.

JEFF TURNBULL

OUR SHADOW SELF HINDERS OUR HIGHER PURPOSE.

Our shadow stands in our way and will stop us from communicating effectively and when we see an unattractive quality we don’t like in someone else that we ourselves possess we will be offended and will project our darkness and distorted behavior unto them.

The more work we do on ourselves to reclaim what was left behind in the shadows and bring light to those deep recesses of our past pain, shame and hurt the lighter and less restrained we will be.

Shining a spotlight of truth, love, and compassion into the corners of our being will help to illuminate these fears, fractures and fragmented parts of yourself so that we can integrate these powerful energies into their counterbalanced positives to help us become the person we are destined to come.

We cannot heal apart from ourselves that we don’t know is ill. I am not advocating countless retellings of past events, but to be able to look at these apertures into our souls, these wounds, and reclaim the wholeness that was lost in those moments and to replace them with what is not there with acceptive forgiveness and understanding.

This shadow work is about going deep into ourselves and vanquishing our darkest aspects and mining the depths of our hidden and forgotten treasure. It is not for the weak of heart. That is why we need to be warriors and set our fear aside and be ever vigilant and conscious of what we may discover, uncover or realize as it comes to the surface and into the bright light of awareness.

 

WE HAVE A SHADOW SELF.

Unbeknownst to some of us, there is an another that lurks within. We joke about evil twins, you may be familiar with Dr. Jekyll’s Mr. Hyde, or with a multi-personality disorder, but within there is darkness.

We hide things we don’t want others to see. We are ashamed of something or were criticized about something we banish it, lock it away. Sometimes these things fade into the deep recesses of our being, others lie just beneath the surface and don’t pass up a chance to remind us that we have banished them from the bright light of being.

Sometimes our greatest gifts and passions are discouraged and for whatever reason, we comply with others views and opinions and we enter into an unconscious agreement and we let our dreams die, and aspirations wither on the vine. In the desire to be accepted we fall in line and become part of the herd as we conceal who and what we really are.

This shadow self-comes out to express itself and play when we are stressed. Besides suppressed hopes and desires there are elements of our worst self, the darkness within, our ugly, selfish, demanding inner five-year-old; our ego writ large.

When we fear, when we doubt, when we feel that our world or beliefs are being questioned or judged our shadow is roused. When we stumble and take things personally our shadow moves to the fore and sometimes takes the floor and shows itself.

It’s like evil genii that escape from the bottle but instead of wishes, you are usually left with regrets. Even when we are at our best, if we are tired, or hungry, or suffering from a lack of sleep, this troublesome specter can slip away and get the best of us.

So, we must realize and acknowledge that it is there and that it can be a potent force; and if we are not mindful of our thinking, feeling, and our willingness to do the work at bringing our dark aspects into the light we could do something in the moment that could change our lives and alter our path and disrupt our progress. We could get fired, lose a friend, a loved one or worse.

I have personally let my shadow appear to someone I care a great deal about and say something I should not have said, something I felt, something I desired but was not appropriate then that disrupted the environment that we were in. I wanted to be more than I could under the circumstances and I fell into an old pattern. It was selfish and self-serving, and I was grandiose, and I almost lost more than I could afford to lose. Love is a powerful force but unchecked can exemplify the shadow self as well.

JEFF TURNBULL

Freedom or darkness, choose!

“Courage is the capacity to meet the Anxiety which arises as one achieves Freedom.” Rollo May

BY: JEFF TURNBULL

 We have a choice in how our world evolves. We can get involved or sit on the sidelines. Most people sit on the sidelines in their own little bubble bedecked with their proclivities and desires and if they can do what they want when they want to, you usually do not hear from them. Try and take something away and there will be hell to pay.

Now, the people to exhort some courage when they are not sure, but they know something must be done realize before they can affect any change or make any difference they must first change what they can – so they change their selves.

The only way to conquer or diminish the darkness of other people or the world is the conquer the darkness within and champion the light and the virtue within. Follow that Golden Impulse that seeks to find its higher self and to live a good life always taken humanity and the common good into their awareness of what and what not to do, think, feel or behave.

We all know right from wrong. Its what is deemed acceptable that is troubling. If belittling other people becomes accepted especially by the most powerful then we can see the trend line descend to make it acceptable for everyone. And all the work our parents did to teach us manners and to be polite goes right out the window.

We have a choice. We can find our moral center our core of truth and compassion and not allow the new normal to take hold and let this behavior continue.

The only power or control we have is what we think, feel, or behave. Me I chose freedom from the darkness. So, the work continues. I look for insight within so that I may share my light, love, empathy, and compassion for myself and the world.

 

 

KNOW THYSELF – DO YOU?

shadow warrior pic

The first tenet in my – Majestic Fivefold Way, is Know Thyself. Because if you don’t.. how will the rest of us.

BY JEFF TURNBULL

I have discovered on my quest to wellness, the underlying principle that finally, I delivered me here, is knowing who I am. Self-examination is very important. On an intelligential, emotional and physical level, we must be able to recognize where we are and where we need to be.

If we want to be healthier we must know our behavior when it comes to what we eat, how we eat, and our level of activity. If we know that we stress eat and load up on carbs then we must be aware of this fact. If when we are stressed we tend to not eat, we must be aware of this fact. Everyone is different, so we need to know ourselves and our tendencies.

This even more important moreover if we have a health challenge like diabetes or IBS. If we have a mental disorder it is important to eat well, perhaps omit caffeine from our diet, and be mindful if we vomit or have diarrhea. Because if we lose bodily fluids we lose medication and our therapeutic levels will drop. We need to stay at these levels if we are to stabilize and get better.

It goes without saying, but I will state my case anyhow, that a positive state of mind will get us a long way in this world. So, if you know your mind you will be able to know when you shadow thinking intervenes and pushes you or drags you down. Be the watcher of your thoughts. Practice mindfulness to be aware of your train of thought so that you do not go off the rails. For example – I know that one of my shadow enemies is to complain. So, when I hear my tone of voice change or I get animated – I check myself before I wreck myself.

The same goes for your emotional state. If you have triggers that you can recognize that incense or irritate you be aware of these before you get swept away. It is so easy to lose oneself in a trying moment. If you do, stop yourself and then analyze what got you there. Was it a reminder of an experience you had that left an indelible mark on your psyche? If so, take the opportunity to work with it. If not in the moment when you get a chance. It will give you a chance to cleanse yourself of some of your emotional baggage. When I recommend these practices – that is what they are practices. That means it takes work and vigilance.

More than anything when you begin to be aware and mindful and you find things that you don’t like or you find disturbing remember to forgive yourself. This is very important in the process. I have recently started journaling forgiveness then end it with a little touch of gratitude.

I recently had an epiphany – it was that I am not a businessman, entrepreneur, or life coach or expert of any kind. I am a writer, poet, artist, singer-songwriter, single parent, good son (I like to think so) I humanitarian, good friend and colleague.  And you know what? I am ok with that!

Forgiveness as a perpetual state of Tranquility.

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Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.
—Nelson Mandela

I am sorry.  These three words will help to calm troubled waters, uncomfortable moments, and to bring the truth out of the shadows of fear and misunderstanding and into the light of awareness and mindfulness.

But, before we forgive or can be forgiven, we must understand that we are not perfect.  We are but pilgrims of eternity learning as we go.  And, before we can be understood, we must first understand.  We must wipe the slate clean by forgiving ourselves of any wrong thought, word, or deed; that has brought harm or suffering to anyone, especially ourselves.

Ninety percent of self-talk is negative.  Why are we so hard on ourselves?  If you believe in sin, then perhaps you think you have it coming.  So, as we traverse the rocky road of our pilgrimage, we sin, ask for forgiveness, and continue on our merry way.  If we repent then we are free to error again.  What is the point?

If we live a life of Virtue, Mindfulness, and wisdom, we need not concern ourselves what is right or wrong.  Because if we forgive ourselves with compassion we need not worry about the poison of greed, hatred, and delusion.

Forgive everything in every moment, be in every moment.  If we can live in a state of forgiveness there need not be suffering, and futile clinging.  Relinquish the idea that you must always be doing, try being… You don’t need to go with it or flow with it.  Start every moment where you are, at the moment.

Say to yourself in your heart of hearts – May all Beings be forgiven, forgiving, and have compassion for their selves and for all others.

Thank you, I forgive you I am sorry.

 

BY: JEFF TURNBULL