I AM – A SHADOW WARRIOR
I have always considered myself lucky. I say that I have lived a charmed life for a reason. That is why I feel I must share my story. To live the ancient Greek maxim-“Know Thyself” is not as easy as it sounds. In addition, if one is not careful it can become an obsession and lead to a narcissistic black hole.
As a child, I was oblivious of the difficult years to come. However, I had my struggles. Looking back when I asked my father if I could talk to someone about what and how I was feeling and I was told that I had him and my mother to talk too, I see an opportunity early on where my life may have had a different trajectory. I say this to all parents who have little children who ask big questions to be mindful of their soul’s longing for answers to uncertainty and ambiguity.
It was not until I became a teenager and shared my heart with another that what would later be my lifelong nemesis began to present itself. When the seasons changed, I would find myself weeping uncontrollably. We would sit in my car and I would sob inconsolably for no apparent reason.
A few years later, I would be running amok with reckless abandon a risk to others and myself. I was dangerous to know and especially to love. My parents threw me out of the house and I ended up crashing at friends’ houses and woke up wherever I passed out. I partied hard, could not keep a job. I was lost, angry at the world and more importantly alone. My friends did not think I would make it past the age of twenty-one. I am now fifty-five.
I hope that by sharing my story of how I finally found a way out of the hell where I merely existed, if that, that I might help others. The hell I refer to was one of a chemical imbalance in my brain, learned helplessness, and a slew of bad habits. I am now at peace. I am whole. I am healthy
It is now my mission in life to help others. For those who do not have the skills and the tools or the wherewithal to change their lives’. To transform their lives’ into a life they have only thus far imagined.
It has been a long journey. One in which I would not change a thing. If I did, I would not be who I am today. I do not know what tomorrow holds; however, now I am able to deal with whatever may present itself. Life is an adventure, embrace the struggle, learn from it, and move on to live a whole and healthy life.