THE BIG WET.

THEN THE RAINS CAME:

By: Jeff Turnbull

There will come a time when even we must stop believing the nonsense we espouse. We will be walking down a long hallway, and it will just come to us, that we are full of it. We will laugh and tell ourselves we are a fool for talking crap and believing it ourselves.

We must be mindful of our thoughts words because when shared may become actions that become reality and realities become states. When I am fully possessed of an idea I get juiced and then later my energy wains and self-doubt creeps in and my enthusiasm leaks out and a deluge of old emotions come rushing in and filling the space where just moments ago I was creating a blue print for a new way of being or doing that would revolutionize the entire world. But now all that is washed away and all that is left is a flood plain that is filling up rapidly faster than I can imagine of past hurts, failures, missteps and bad decisions. My past becomes this torrent that takes me down and suffocates hope and leaves me drowning in utter despair. Just like that all that I had imagined immersed in all those – what could have been, might have been, murky memories from the past.

But, now I can see the storm forming on the horizon and instead of panicking, I prepare. I search for what I could have done differently in the past. I look for the cracks in the walls of my resolve and what I usually discover is that I did not have the will to make it happen. I thought incredible things, imagined incredible imaginings. I felt inspired and was lifted above the tide of the status quo. But, when the time came to effect a change, do the work, I allowed my ego to assure me that I had no chance and I allowed the ego, my ego to permeate my intentions which guaranteed that I would abandon my endeavor and quickly as the idea surged in, it receded into a future memory of yet another quiet maelstrom of unfulfilled possibilities.

The ego tells us – Seek but do not find. We must be ever vigilant and be a lighthouse on our shore and have a heart that can launch a thousand ships safely that they all may find their true home on the other shoreline.