BY: Jeff s Turnbull
Children are fascinated by mirrors. They can spend hours in front of one staring into their own eyes, dancing, doing pantomime.
Today as I watched a little girl get lost in the looking glass I was fascinated by the lack of concern for anybody but her reflection. She was captivated and enthralled and was in her own expansive world oblivious to any onlookers including her mother. I wondered to myself what in the world does she see, or moreover, what does she not see.
Since she was very young – perhaps five or six she was free of and not yet conditioned to the lie and the dream of the world we tell ourselves. She was free. Free to gaze lovingly into her visage and love the pure soul before her. I do not believe she was in love with her image but an image; free from the psychic baggage we adults carry around inside of us, on our hearts, on our shoulders and on our backs and on our minds.
She must have seen the untarnished love and light that only a guiltless, sinless, non- fragmented being only a young child can be before they are conditioned to hate, fear, and suspect another could be. Before they are told they are not good enough, smart enough or worthy of love, kindness, and compassion. Or, that they are weird or different so they bury their uniqueness deep in the hollows of their being only to have their gifts, anger, and fears fester in uncertainty, shame and self-loathing.
They see this light and gaze into their purity before they become narcissists and gaze at their image for other reasons. It is not common knowledge or it is just misunderstood that narcissists don’t really fall in love with their selves; they despise themselves yet spend every waking moment fixated on themselves because they despise themselves.
They are a mystery to their selves. They spend an inordinate amount of time trying to figure what went wrong, where they are damaged and why. I know because I was. I learned to love and accept myself for who I am and stopped trying to figure out the past and where I fit in the future. I forgave myself and found that child in the mirror and I now I can see the purity again and know the person before me has done the best he could with what he had, and made the most of a difficult life and has uncovered treasures untold and horrors unthought of, but is excited again about the journey on the pathless road to truth, love, and freedom.